Help! My Vital Regions are Under Attack!
by Ciamil B
Summary: Beyblade and Axis Powers Hetalia crossover. Rei Kon is China, and that fact is well hidden from his teammates. At least, it was well hidden until Russia came along and ruined everything. RussiaxChina IvanxRei and other pairings. Shounen-Ai!
1. Ivan, you ass

Help! My Vital Regions are Under Attack!

By: Ciamil B.

Note: Axis Powers Hetalia is a webcomic turned manga soon to become anime set during World War II. The gist is that each country is a person who interacts with other country-people like countries act with each other. For example, Germany, Italy, and Japan are close because they are the Axis Powers during World War II. China and Japan don't like each other, America and England don't like each other, either.

In this fanfiction, there is an organization that consists of people who represent countries. For example, Ivan is Russia (like he is in APH), Feliciano is Italy (like he is in APH), and Im Yong Soo is Korea (like he is in APH). They get together every year and hold a 'conference' in which they deal with issues of the world during a certain time period. It's just a fun organization that is watched by a surprising amount of people online (the organization appears on television whenever they have a conference). Each person stays in character and acts like their country would towards other countries. Outside of conferences, though, the people also know each other by their real names (there are only about 40 of they, after all). So, Feliciano bothers Ludwig outside of conferences, and Berwald (Sweden) and Tino (Finland) are practically married outside of the conferences, too.

Ask me questions by reviews and I will try to answer them in the next chapters! I'm sorry if I did not do a good job explaining! I wrote this note after writing the chapter, so I'm a little frazzled.

* * *

There are a million and one way that I could possibly commit suicide, and one of them is taking Kai's scarf and hanging myself with it. Is it too much to ask that the people around me just stay out of my personal life for once? I guess it all started when some old acquaintances popped back up in my life. Not that old, actually, since we've been in contact regularly for the past five years, but still, I don't see all of them that often. I suppose I should start from the beginning, as things usually make more sense when people do.

My name is Rei Kon, also known as 'that long haired guy on the Japanese Beyblading team'. You can just call me Rei. Anyways, I'm part of an organization that's devoted to acting out relations of countries and the history of countries regarding other countries. Yeah, weird, I know, but history interests me. If it weren't for beyblade, I think I would be at home looking over history books and stuff like that.

It wasn't that bad in the beginning. Ivan just came over to say hi. Then, things got worse. He called me China. It's one thing to have a giant Russian man hug you and say hi, it's another to have him hug you and call you China in front of all your fellow beybladers who are all just standing there with 'what the hell' looks on their faces. It's even worse when said Russian man is over 182 centimeters tall and looks very intimidating with a long iron water pipe in his pocket.

Yeah, I KNOW it was a bad idea to promptly scream 'Korea!' while trying to shove Ivan away, but what else was I suppose to do? Im Yong is usually near me when Ivan does stuff like this, and Im Yong always comes to my rescue (I should really get him something for saving me all these years…). Like God was watching over me, Im Yong suddenly appeared in all his Korean-dress-wearing glory and waved his giant sleeves in Ivan's face, causing the latter's grip to loosen. Not missing the chance, I grabbed Im Yong and ran into the nearest room I could.

And that's how I ended up here, in the bathroom of the beyblading stadium with Im Yong next to me, hugging me and asking if I'm all right in an annoying voice.

"Aniki, aniki! Are you okay? Is there anywhere you'd like to me to kiss? Aniki!" Annoying, yet endearing. It's the very essence that makes up Im Yong's personality.

"Everything's fine! Now go away!" Oh damn, I should not have said that. It's all the stress; it's getting to me.

Oh no, Im Yong Soo, you did not just start crying.

Aw, crap. You did.

"Sorry, Im Yong, you can stay," I say, patting Im Yong on the back and pulling him closer to me so that we can sit together in companionable silence. I hope I locked the door so that Ivan can't get in –

"Rei."

Great. Now Ivan is in here, too. Why isn't anyone coming to stop him? Namely, Natalie. I know she hates it when Ivan and I get too close to each other, so where is she? Why can't she just come and stab me in the eye with a knife so I can get sent to the hospital?

"Natalie is sick today," Ivan says, as if reading my thoughts. He probably can, though. Freaky Russians…

"Rei!" I can hear Max's voice from behind the door that Ivan is currently blocking with his freakishly large body. "Are you okay? What's going on? Kai looks ready to kill someone!" Crap, now I've got Kai on my case.

"I hate you, you know?" I say to Ivan. He just smiles, not looking too bothered that I hate him. God damn him. He knows that I can never truly hate him. I am, however, righteously pissed at him right now. "What the hell did you think you were doing," I hiss at him. I'm not interested in the answer. "I'm perfectly content and normal, dammit, when I'm a beyblader. Now they have to know about my life in the organization, too? I am going to KILL you." I mean it. Figuratively, of course. I'm going to bitch and moan at him until he can't handle it and says sorry for forcing me to talk about my organizational life with my teammates.

Turning away from a clearly regretting his decision to call me China in front of all my teammates Ivan (I've made Switzerland apologize for shooting at Korea during a conference before by bitching and moaning about it until he couldn't take it, stood up, and said "Sorry, Korea". I think it was the first time the man ever said sorry before), I face Im Yong.

"Im Yong, go back to the hotel where you're staying. I have to deal with my team members," I say to Im Yong, prying him off of me. Ivan just stands by the door, looking at the both of us. How is it that he doesn't see Im Yong as a threat?

"But Aniki!"

"No buts," I say strictly, pulling him off the floor while standing up myself. An older brother has to take responsibility sometimes and guide his younger siblings in the right direction. "I must make clear to my teammates what is currently going on so that I can make it to the conference on Saturday. You just go back with Ivan, okay?"

Immediately, I know that those words were the wrong ones to say. Ivan, known as Russia to most of the other members of the club, is insane, and Im Yong knows that.

"Noo!!!! ANIKI!!! I don't want to die so young! I haven't even been able to get closer to you yet! NOoO!!!!"

Ignoring the conations of what Im Yong just said, I brush myself and him off and push him towards the door.

"Ivan, you take him back," I order. I'm not afraid of Ivan. I know he won't hurt me. He can, of course, but he won't. "Don't hurt him. He is important to me." Im Yong smiles happily at that, despite being fearful of Ivan and his wrath.

Ivan doesn't move. I sigh.

"Come on, Ivan, you have to go sooner or later. If I don't talk to Kai soon enough, I'm going to have some trouble going to the conference on Saturday. So please, for my sake, will you take Im Yong back to the hotel?" I look up at him with pleading eyes.

It works for some reason that I cannot truly fathom. Ivan is hard to understand sometimes; I am lucky that he allows certain things for me. He nods and pushes away from the door. I relax.

"I'll do it on one condition."

And right then, I tense up again. Oh my freaking God, is that a smirk? Holy crap, it is. Beside me, I feel Im Yong tense up. Who could blame him? Whenever Ivan smirks, a puppy dies in a lonely alley way full of garbage and gangsters who want to eat it.

"You have to wear this all the time." From the folds of his humongous jacket, Ivan pulls out a red scarf. It isn't that bad, really. The colors are really nice and --- I take that back. I soo take that back.

"What the hell? I'm not wearing that all the time!" Ivan just keeps on smirking at him. He pulls me forward like a master does to his kitten.

"Let go of Aniki!" Im Yong screams, launching himself at Ivan. Smoothly, Ivan yanks the door open and shoves Im Yong out. The door shuts again with Ivan leaning against it. I hear a single oomph of surprise from Max before he and Im Yong fall to the ground. I hope Im Yong is all right... I've got bigger problems to worry about, though.

I am Rei Kon, in the bathrooms of the main beyblading stadium, with Ivan in front of me holding a red scarf.

"It's not that bad," Ivan says, looking a little hurt. Hah, like Ivan would every truly feel hurt.

"Yes, it is that bad," I hiss, trying with all my might to get away from him. Let me fill you in on a little background info. In the organization that Ivan, Im Yong, and I are involved in, I am China, Ivan is Russia, and Im Yong is Korea. Since we represent our countries, we must also form the bonds that our countries have. And, since we're currently covering World War II, Russia and China are still both communist countries. Ivan and I were forced to spend unholy amounts of time with each other while we were preparing for our speeches last year. And… well… uh… Things… happened.

"It has the Russian flag on it! And your symbol!" I hiss at him, scratching a faint line on his arms. It's true, the scarf the he wants me to wear has the Russian flag on it and his symbol: a faucet. Don't ask me why it's a faucet. I can't fully fathom what goes on in his mind.

"So?"

"So I can't wear it! I have a Russian man on my team, for goodness sake! He might get the wrong idea and it'll be awkward!" Ivan suddenly looks angry.

"Why?"

"Just because! No one knows that I'm China, either! It's going to be hell for me to explain!" My head suddenly starts throbbing, just like it did the first time Ivan gave me a sunflower that he had brought from Russia when we had our third conference together. Ivan shifts a little and starts to wrap the scarf around my neck. "It's all your fault you asshole!"

"If anyone bothers you," he starts, bringing both ends of the red cloth to the front of my chest, "tell me their names and they'll be gone." I shiver. That's Ivan's evil talking, right there.

"By the way," Ivan says, "here." I blink, and there is suddenly a pink and white rose in front of me. Even though his first gift to me was a sunflower, Ivan still gives me other ones… A pink and white rose means "I love you still and always will," I think. It's the flower that caused Mao to start wearing pink and white all the time to show her love of her deceased pet turtle that died when she was three.

"Ivan…" It's pretty awkward all the time. He gives me a flower, and I don't really want to take it. Flowers die off after a couple of days. It makes me feel sad whenever I have to throw away what he gives me. Especially since we're…

Ivan just smiles and tucks the flower into one of the scarf-loops around my neck.

"Don't mind the others too much," he says, patting me on the head affectionately, "because eventually, everything will belong to Russia, right?" I smile. What he just said has absolutely nothing to do with the current situation and everything to do with the conference coming up on Saturday. It's also one of the reasons why those who keep an eye on our organization fear him so much.

"Thanks, Ivan," I say, "but you're still going to pay for it later." With that, I step away from him, pulling the rose away from my neck and holding it loosely in my hands. It'll probably get dropped onto the floor if I kept it in my scarf. "I'll see you on Saturday. Don't you dare break into where I'm living and terrorize everyone."

"Oh, I won't." Sure Ivan. Sure you won't. I do not trust the look on your face, Ivan. Shaking my head, I open the door that no longer has Ivan leaning against it and am immediately greeted by the sight of Im Yong and Max still on the floor in pain.

How has no one come to pick them up yet? Kai usually gets angry if we don't report to him when he wants us to, and I know that Ivan and I took a long time in the bathroom. Hm… It's really strange.

Ivan slips away from behind me, poking me in the arm and picking up Im Yong before leaving the area back to the hotel.

"REI! YOU'RE OKAY! I KNEW SOMETHING BAD WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU WHEN IVAN SUDDENLY LEFT!!!"

What would you do if you were suddenly tackled by an Italian male? Would you: a) sit back and take it because said Italian male was hot and you only had a few minutes before his German boyfriend came and pried him off of you while shooting you dirty looks, b) shove him away and start screaming about having your 'vital regions' invaded, or c) lose consciousness due to the force of your head coming in contact with the door of the bathroom behind you?

Considering the fact that I am Max Tate, and Rei is currently passed out a few feet away from me near the bathroom door, it's safe to assume that Rei had option C forced upon him. I could not have gotten a suckier scene to wake up to after being bombarded by a strange male wearing a dress.

Kai is going to KILL me.

* * *

End note: I'm sorry this sucks so much! X I just wrote what came to mind because I really, really wanted to write something in which Rei was China!

I'm sorry if I got the names of the people wrong. I don't know what is the first name of Im Yong Soo, so I just went with Im Yong.

Please give me your thoughts in a review and don't yell at me too harshly.

- Ciamil B.


	2. Ominous signs

Help! My Vital Regions are Under Attack!

By: Ciamil B.

Pairings (so far): RussiaxChina (IvanxRei), GermanyxItaly, EnglandxAmerica

A/N: Sorry for this being so slow! ARGH, junior year is kind of sucking. Haha, I'm typing this, and midterms are in four days. I totally fail at time management, but I feel like it's going to get better after I finish this chapter.

Thanks for all the support! =D I'm glad that my writing doesn't suck that much, and that you all like my story!

Never fear, those of you who say, "what about (insert character)?'! Eventually, every Hetalia character will be used (because I'm awesome, that's why).

* * *

REI POV

"My life sucks," I say, and I have a reason for saying it, too.

Hey, it's me, Rei, again. I'm the guy who was just knocked out by a skinny hyperactive Italian. Don't you want to know what's happening with me?

"You think your life sucks? I'm in love with a guy who almost killed me while we were working together." Oh psh, Arthur. Alfred's an idiot. Ivan is different. Ivan's a dangerous idiot.

I'm in a nice bed in a nice hotel room right now. I would be happy about this, if not for the fact that bad things just happened, and the fact that this bed had a few wet spots that I don't particularly like. Sheesh ,when will Arthur learn to not drink tea in bed?

Oh well, it's not like Ivan doesn't drink vodka in bed sometimes.

Uh, not that I would know.

"Your life does not suck," Arthur says to me, "it's not like your captain knows where you are right now." Oh sure, take a sip of your tea at my problems. One day, you will work for me! And then I will force you to get Mango juice from a nearby store everyday for me… hehehe… AHAHAHAHAHA

"Stop that," Arthur says calmly, popping another sugar cube into his glass. I'm telling you, it's like he knows what's going on inside of my head. It's kind of creepy at times.

Alright, back to the situation.

"Yeah, but you practically had Ludwig tear me out of Max's arms. God, Max is going to have nightmares of an angry German man attacking him for the rest of the year," I say, already thinking about what Max would be like for the rest of the week.

A worried Max is never a good thing. He cries, he whines, and he fidgets! Kai almost shoved Max into the refrigerator last year because Max kept on shuffling around in the kitchen at four o'clock in the morning.

You know what? I'm going to shut my eyes. The world is such an ugly place right now! I cannot live like this any longer! Despair! I am despairing!

"Oh stop whining, you baby. Try getting stabbed in the arm by a random American – that's worth whining about," Arthur says, stirring his tea with more force than necessary. His arm got stabbed once when he walked down the streets of Detroit without taking anyone with him.

"Hey, it's not my fault you went to America to visit Alfred. You should have known to be on your guard at all times," I say.

Hey, don't look at me like that! I can be sympathetic when I want to! I didn't get hurt, but I did experience something even more horrible than what Arthur experienced (besides, at least the stab was on the left arm…). I learned my lesson when I went to America to visit Max. It was not pleasant. Not pleasant at all. I still look over my shoulder when I pass dark alleyways.

"It's not like anyone told me to be on my guard. Everyone just hugged me sympathetically and apologized for everything bad they had ever done to me when I told them that I was going to America to see Alfred," Arthur says.

Huh. I think I did that hug-thing, too.

"It was like a sympathetic, 'it was nice knowing you' hug! Sheesh, it's like you've never watched television before…"

Oh man, I feel sooo uncomfortable right now. Waking up in a foreign bed is disconcerting (not that I would know before today… ahem). It feels like someone rolled twenty sheep over me, because I feel warm and slightly violated.

Hey wait a sec, is that---

"Uh, Arthur? What's this around my neck?" Holy shi—is that the Russian flag? Ivan, you (*#&$--

"Russia came in here while you were unconscious… I was advised by Korea to, I quote, 'don't do anything to Ivan unless you don't have a gun! Wait here, I'll go and get you one!'. Ten minutes later, after Ukraine came to get Russia, I stepped out of my room to get some tea, only to find Korea sprawled out unconscious on the floor," Arthur says, adding another sugar cube into his tea.

Oh God oh God oh God oh God –

"At least he was breathing. And the bleeding was minimal." WHY ARE YOU TAKING A SIP OF YOUR FREAKING TEA?!?

"Where is Yong-Soo!" Oh God, if he's dead, I'm going to KILL Ivan!

"Don't worry, he's in Honda's room. Which reminds me, Honda told me to tell you to get Yong-Soo out of his sight as soon as you woke up," Arthur says, standing up to get some more tea.

Wait a second… if rooms are arranged by alphabetical order of first names…

"Why didn't you let Alfred take care of Yong-Soo? I mean, isn't Alfred's room right next to yours?" Well, that's interesting. Arthur is both turning red, and sputtering. Huh, he looks like Hilary on a good day.

"His room was not… available for use... when Yong-Soo was found," Arthur stutters his way through a reply. What? But doesn't Honda have the key to every room? Why did you –

Oh no.

Don't tell me that you and he… Is that his jacket on that chair over there?

Jesus Christ, since when did you listen to Billy Joel?

Is-is a bath towel with the American flag patterns on it?

"It's not what you think—"

Oh God! These stains are --!

"Rei, you need to stay in bed, you can't –"

"You sick bastard!" No, I'm not going overboard. This is a perfectly normal response of an Asian when he finds out that he probably slept in a very disturbing substance that could have possibly come from an idiotic American.

"Rei, calm down! It isn't what you –" Oh really, Arthur? Is it really not what I think?

"You let me SLEEP in this bed!"

"You're going to become unconscious again! You ungrateful prat, sit down!"

"Didn't even bother to change the sheets –"

"Fuck, that's it. I'm calling that blue kid."

"--- couple of horny teenagers, that's what you two are – "

"Yeah, hello? … Shut up and listen, you rude git. Rei's awake, and he's not in the right state of mind –"

"—no sense of hospitality at all! My mother would be furious! –"

"— No, I'm not going to tell you how I got your number, or my room number. Just park downstairs and I'll have someone send Rei down—"

"--- going to have to burn my clothes. I have to take a warm shower after I get back to get the filth off of me –-"

"--- bring some alcohol for me, I need it –"

"—of all the things you've done to fuck with me, this is one of the most –"

"—bring a wheelbarrow… not, not because of that. I can't guarantee he'll be able to walk by himself –"

"—ARTHUR YOU JACK—"

**clobber**

"Man, I feel like a woman… No, that wasn't the sound of Rei's body hitting the ground… be here in ten minutes. Bye."

* * *

THIRD-PERSON POV

Arthur closed his cellphone with a 'snap!" and turned on his heel.

"I guess I'll just have to send someone else to pick Yong-Soo up from Honda," Arthur muttered to himself. He sighed.

"Ah, I'll just call **him**," he decided, flipping open his cellphone again, and dialing a very familiar number.

"He's got to come back from that side of Japan sometime this week," Arthur murmured, "it'll be nice having someone I used to work with come over."

A couple rooms over, Kiku Honda was reluctantly comforting a crying Yong-Soo.

"WAHHHHH!!! Another day's been lost! If **he** comes back I'll have even more competition for Aniki's heart!!!"

"There, there… It's okay…" Honda said haltingly. He really was uncomfortable comforting anyone.

"And then Aniki will belong to someone else, and I'll be left without a love," Yong-Soo said, his tears practically drowning the small Japanese man.

"Chocolate, Yong-Soo?" Honda said, offering the only thing that he knew could make some people happy again. The number of times Tai had gone to him for comfort would have made any other man happy, if not for the fact that she just bullied him for chocolate.

"Yes please!" Chocolate was exchanged, and peaceful silence ensued for the two minutes it took Yong-Soo to finish the chocolate.

"OH ANIKIIIIIII!!!" And the wails continued. Honda sighed.

'I hope someone comes and saves me soon,' he thought inwardly to himself.

There really was no torture greater than hearing Yong-Soo cry.

* * *

REI POV

Well, that was an unpleasant experience.

So maybe I did over-react, but I swear it was just because of the stress! I cook, clean, and do basically everything everyday. Then Ivan comes along and ruins everything that has been going well for me. Then, immediately after that, I get knocked out by a hyperactive, gay Italian who brought his buff, scary German boyfriend along for the fun.

Oh yeah, did I mention that Max thought I went missing and called the Japanese police?

Soooo embarrassing. Especially since they walked in just as I stepped into the dojo, which was about the time that Kai was tying Tyson up. With **rubber gloves** of all things. Kai should not have sent Hillary and Daichi to get me, because if he didn't, this mess wouldn't have happened.

Gilbert told me that all Russians were crazy. I once doubted, now I regret. I probably should have stocked up on aspirin when I had the chance.

"—everything is under control. He just ate our dinner –"

"—much exercise could cause that… can decrease his exercise –"

"--- afraid he'll get fat ---"

"---llary, if he gets fat we can just shove him into the corner and he won't be able to move –"

An hour later, and things finally calmed down. Kai and Hillary tag teamed to get the police to leave.

Ordinarily, getting small scary Japanese police dudes to leave would be a good thing. But for me, it was a bad thing. So, short scary Asians turned to corner me, a short cringing Asian.

"Explain. Now."

"About what?" I hope my innocent look has improved. Last time I did it, it took Switzerland less than three seconds to readjust his gun to point directly between my eyes.

Oh crap, it's not working.

"Don't fuck with me, Rei. Explain."

Why you short little –

"I don't see what I have to explain." Take that!

"Rei, let me tell you how my day went. My day started with me being forced to drag the fat ass out of his room. Then, one of my bladers gets kidnapped to the bathroom. Max (oh come on, it's not like Kai can call everyone other than me by their last name) gets mentally traumatized, and you get taken away. And now you're back. My day sucked **balls** Rei, **balls**. I suggest that you tell me what is going on before I take this –"

Oh dear God, is that a beyblade launcher? Why is it, like, four times the size of mine???

"—and shove it up your ass."

"Kai, I—"

"Just tell me if you'll be able to live until our next match!"

Wait, what?

"Rei, I don't have time for this. Just tell me if you won't be kidnapped during training."

"Uh, I won't be kidna—"

"Good, now shut up and go away," Kai says, then leaves, leaving me with a 'what the hell just happened look' on my face.

"Don't worry about it," Hillary says, picking up the green rubber gloves that Tyson had chewed through while she and Kai were talking to the police. "Kai told me he won't worry about it, as long as you tell us all about it one day."

Thanks, Hillary.

Oh Kai, if Ivan weren't around, you'd probably be the one that I'd love more than anything. Then again, you just said you didn't care about things that are happening in my life.

"I expect you to stop wearing that scarf," Kai orders me, appearing once again in my eyesight. "People have started rumors about us and I don't want to encourage them."

Huh, I didn't even remember that I was wearing it.

"Yeah, sure. I didn't really have a choice in the matter…"

Kai pauses, standing still where he was. It looks like he wants to ask me something, but he doesn't really want to find out the answer.

Huh. It looks like he's kind of constipated.

"Rei, Kai and I were wondering," Hillary says, stepping closer to me like she's afraid to let anyone else hear what she has to say to me, "if you and that Russian man had… 'special relations'."

Oh no you didn't.

"I fail to see how that is any of your business." Yeah, back away, bitch.

"It is. If this gets out to the press," she says, "well… Can you try not to let it get out?"

Argh! I forgot about that… In my 'circle' with Ivan and the others, no one really cares about gay relations… mainly because world history is gay, and almost everyone in that circle is gay, too (have you SEEN the way Poland dresses?).

But the beyblade public is kind of a wild card.

"Yeah, I'll, uh, try to not let it out," I say, cringing as I'm reminded just how much Ivan likes to show people that I'm with him. I've been able to get him to curb his tendencies, but sometimes he's just so… well, protective that I can't control him.

"Trying isn't good enough," Kai says, glaring at me, "do say you'll 'try to,' say you will."

Methinks Kai's been reading too many self-help books.

"Okay, okay! I'll do it," I say, and Kai nods in satisfaction. Wow, that was really easy.

"Special training tomorrow, starting at five. Be there or I burn your hair."

I take that back.

Kai leaves. Hillary leaves. I'm alone in the room.

All alone… all alone… I wonder if that cooking show is on. I should really learn to cook more Japanese food for the team, I—

**beep beep beep**

Huh. My cellphone usually doesn't beep. My friends don't bother texting me, they just call me. At night. When Kai and the others are asleep. And my doors are locked. And their doors are locked.

------------

Message from: Kiet

Subject: Ho-Tai is coming back

Hey Rei.

Thought I should just tell you that Ho-Tai is coming back to the hotel.

=D Happy? We can have Asian's night out again!

-------------

… I think my heart just about burst in happiness.

* * *

THIRD-PERSON POV

"Here, big brother," Natalia said, handing Ivan a glass of vodka. Immediately, Katyusha replaced the glass of vodka with a glass of orange juice.

"Thanks," Ivan said, not even noticing that he was drinking orange juice instead of vodka. "I can't believe that idiot would dare to do such a thing…"

"Me neither, big brother," Katyusha said, patting her younger brother on the back, "but you had best think about the situation calmly." Ivan ignored her, trapped in his own mind.

'I must obliterate the competition,' Ivan thought darkly to himself, 'obliterate it completely…'

A few buildings down, a man named Kyung-Sam was eating a bowl of ramen at a very fast pace.

'Next victim, Im Yong-Soo,' he thought to himself. 'Let's see if brother has gotten any better at defending himself… MUAHAHAHAHAHA!' Kyung-Sam was so busy laughing evilly in his head that he never noticed that a bird had flown over his head and deposited a large, white glob of dung on his shirt.

'You are just too inept, Kyung-Sam,' a mysterious figure thought from behind an obnoxiously large newspaper while sitting on a bench, 'that has got to be the tenth bird poop blob to have hit you in the past three days.'

Sighing at Kyung-Sam's ineptness, the figure took out a cellphone and typed a quick message.

------

Message to: Kiet

Subject: Prepare aspirin

We're going to need it.

Kyung-Sam is still stupid. Don't worry.

T. N.

P.S: Buy condoms.

-------

Stowing the cellphone away, the figure shook his/her head.

'Well, life's going to get hectic soon with Kyung-Sam **and **Ho-Tai in the picture,' he/she thought to him/herself. 'I hope Rei escapes with his virginity.'

* * *

A/N: Who is the **he** that Korea is talking about? Who is Ho-Tai, and why is Rei so happy that he's back? What will Russia do to the 'he' Korea is talking about? Who in the world is Kyung-Sam, and what does he want with Im Yong-Soo? Will Kai try for Rei's heart? Does he even like Rei?

All these questions will be answered… SOMEDAY!

Sorry for the sucky ending. I couldn't think of a better one.

Also, for people who wanted to know how Kai would react to Rei wearing that scarf: his reaction in this chapter isn't **really** his full reaction.

- Ciamil B.

P.S: thanks to .tofu-melon for telling about how Korean names are written! Also, thanks to all the lovely people who reviewed. =) I'm glad my writing doesn't suck!


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